No no. Step back. Don’t come any closer.
This here internet is filled to the brim with fly by night bloggers like you who post once, if at all, then disappear, taking all the good blog names with them. So turn around and go back to wherever you came from!
Oh, you’re different? Oh, sure, that’s what you say NOW, but what happens a month or so from now when you realize this blogging thing is harder than you thought? When you’re absolutely starving for topics, but because you picked a theme as restrictive and nebulous as “guide to being a decent human being,” you can’t think of a damn thing. So you abandon the blog. Then, three years from now, someone is going to try to make a blog with the address “misspandemonium.wordpress.com” and fail. Because you took the name. You took their DREAM name damn it! and when they go to the address and see you made 2 posts and abandoned it 3 YEARS AGO, they will curse your name. They will say “damn that Miss Pandemonium to Hell!” and then you’ll go to hell. because that’s how that works, even with pseudonyms. Also, they’ll go to hell because they identified with that name up until the point where they couldn’t use it. See? Just by taking on this foolish business you’ve DESTROYED someone’s afterlife. and you, someone who wants to blog about being a decent human being.
Oh, you already registered that blog name on WordPress? Well, now you’ve done it. Alright, go forth! At least try to make your posts timeless enough that even if you do quit, hopefully that blogger whose dreams you dashed will learn something insightful and not damn the both of you to eternal torture.
Ok, quick, make your introduction. Prove you’re up to the task of blogging. Now, before I get snippy.
Finally! Thanks for the vote of confidence, hypothetical internet gatekeeper.
What I was going to say before you so rudely interrupted me, is “Hi. My name is Miss Pandemonium, and you’re a terrible human being.”
Oh great, insulting your audience right off the bat, that’s just-
You didn’t let me finish! You’re a terrible human being, but it’s not your fault. You’ve been raised to think that certain actions are perfectly acceptable, maybe even laudable. and people around you probably encouraged it. The person subjected to your actions may have felt put off by what you did, but they’re in the same culture, so they probably just thought they had to sit back and take it with a smile.
Or maybe you did one of the most decent things a human being can do and gave a generous amount of money to a charity. Thank you for that, we need more people like you. But what charity was it? How do they spend the money given to them? Is most of it going to the people who need it? Or is it being used to cover administrative costs- which isn’t always bad, but some charities seem to go a bit overboard there. Or is it worse? Do the people running the charity grant themselves giant salaries so that half the money donated ends up in their personal bank account? Sad as it is, that does happen. Or maybe the money usually does go to the people who need it, but then the charity will withhold their resources, holding it over politician’s heads in order to insert some private ideology into politics. That happens, too. and you may have helped them without knowing it.
This blog isn’t for the people who, when confronted with their mistakes, get insulted and go into full on denial mode because “THEY aren’t like that.” I know, you’re probably good people. Listen though, if I mention something that someone did that seems to be a common problem within a demographic which that person, and you, belong to, (and, let’s be honest, I’ll probably be talking about a lot of asshole things that a lot of men do), it doesn’t mean I’m talking about YOU. For a particularly dark example- rape. It happens a lot, and it’s most often perpetrated by men. If I say, “Seriously? Rape’s not cool guys. Don’t do it.” and you are a male reader of this blog, I am not calling you, the reader, a rapist. Unless you do rape, in which case stop it right now. That shit isn’t cool.
This blog is for people who are willing to realize when they may have been wrong. I know, that’s a really hard thing to do. I know I have a tendency to turn into a giant squid of anger whenever someone suggests I might be wrong, and I’m sitting here telling you not to. I can be such a hypocrite! (A problem which may come up later, but let’s all pretend for the moment that I’m perfect and will never be wrong, ever.) But trust me, this will be a lot easier for all of us if you’ll just be willing to take a few moments to self-reflect when you start to feel insulted. Ask yourself why you’re so angry? are you coming from a place of rationality or emotion? Litmus test: if you can come up with unbiased, legitimate sources to back your point of view, you are acting out of rationality. If all you can think to respond with is what a stupid bitch I am, you’re acting out of emotion. Remember that.
So that’s a general intro to the blog, which still doesn’t say much of what it’s actually about but you’ll just have to be patient, bear with me, and follow along. You’ll get a clearer idea of what I’m doing here as we go.
Now for me and where I’m coming from: I am in my early 20’s. I live in the midwestern United States, but have lived in a few different places. Sorry to be so vague, but I don’t want to put too many personal details on this blog. I’ve seen enough of my favorite bloggers receive threats from people who knew personal details about them, down to their home address, that I’d rather not make it easy for someone who might want to try to shut me up. I’m female, if that wasn’t obvious. I’m bisexual, an atheist, a skeptic, a feminist, and a democrat. I love animals. I have two dogs and a cat who crack me up on a daily basis with their adorable animal antics. I love to write. I love reading, but I sometimes get distracted by the shiny television box. Also the internet machine. I drink too many sugary drinks for my own good, and even though I still have what is commonly considered by society to be a “good figure,” I’m probably going to be dead by 30 just because I suck at exercising. (But I downloaded some yoga videos a couple of months ago! That’s progress, right?)
So you’re a communist hippie feminazi who wants to see the destruction of all men, all morals, and see our planet drowned in eternal hellfire of eternity?
I don’t believe you. Hippie commie feminazi. That’s you.
I hope you’re not going to be a regular feature here, Hypothetical Internet Gatekeeper. You’re exactly the kind of reader I hope to avoid.
To the rest of you, however, hello and welcome.